


Memories Of You And Starting Anew

by Dehydrated_Pearl



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Bad Flirting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Human Gems (Steven Universe), Past Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Post-Break Up, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-24 03:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17697047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dehydrated_Pearl/pseuds/Dehydrated_Pearl
Summary: "Jasper...I-gosh, I've never been on my own like this before. I've forgotten what it feels like to be this small, defeated, and useless as I am now. I know...everything should grow...everything should change...but it's not natural for me! Everything I ever did, I did it for her...now she's gone, but I'm still here." Her eyes were straining to hold back tears, but she was adamant and blinked them away.





	Memories Of You And Starting Anew

**Author's Note:**

> I'm honestly the worst at titles, I didn't give it a thought when I was writing this lol. Also please forgive me for any grammatical errors! I typed all of this in the notes of my phone. 
> 
> This fic is inspired by my recent breakup late last year but put into a Pearl/Rose perspective with some necessary encouragement from Jasper! I kind of relate too much with Pearl, her feelings I've written are my own as well so get ready for an emotional whirlwind! 
> 
> Steven is over 21 in this AU don't worry.  
> The bar is inspired by a favorite bar of mine in downtown LA called the Rhythm Room and the drink is real and it's called the Gin Sinatra.  
> I'm also debating on doing a part 2 to this but with the roles reversed. Jasper being heartbroken over her unhealthy relationship with Lapis and Pearl being the mysterious motivating bartender. Let me know what you think?

It had been a long day. Pearl's shift had ended at 10PM, a refreshing change compared to the graveyard shifts she usually pulled on a nightly basis. Not as if she slept all that much though anyways. She had the habit of always complaining how exhausted she was but the urge to come home to ruffle open the pages of a good read or deep clean the bathroom she shared with her 2 roommates, Garnet and Amethyst; who's cleaning routines were not exceeding her expectations in the slightest, was tough. Still though, it was a lot better now at the local diner she worked at in Beach City than when she had her part time job at a retail clothing store at the Beach City Mall only a month ago. Yes, of course she missed the contentedness of just being able to fold and organize half the store herself, fueled by her OCD and secretly judging her other co-worker on her sub par folds and organization skills, but it was only a seasonal job for the holidays sadly. She didn't dare complain though, she was a whiz at nailing job interviews. She always had a pearlfect resume and sincere demeanor to boot, something her roommates lacked when finding local jobs and stable income. Garnet wasn't very good with words and Amethyst was just too immature. Besides, her new job at the diner was distracting. Distractions were what Pearl needed at the moment. The hecticness of a fast paced environment kept her going and kept her sane. It kept her mind distracted. Being focused on needy customers was always welcoming. Don't bring your personal issues into the workplace, her manager always told her. It was practical, and it made sense. She kept her eyes on the prize and drama would be her demise. Drama, depression, and an overbearing sadness that overwhelmed her as soon as she clocked out from work at 10PM.   
She changed out of her white collared shirt and black slacks into something more delicate and frothy. A simple pale pink knee length dress that was slightly sheer around the midriff and a swooping neckline that displayed her less than impressive non existent cleavage. It wasn't that she felt ugly or sloppy in her work uniform, she just had a spur of the moment decision to go out after work, and regardless whether she was going alone or not, she wanted to look and feel like she belonged that night. 

She trudged along the main road, a good quarter mile past FunLand until she descended the steps to the underground jazz bar she ventured off to every so often when she felt like going out. When Pearl went out, it wasn't to socialize, especially at this particular bar. It was for the atmosphere. First off, it was a Monday, which meant she could go downstairs in peace, show her ID, and have her bag checked and emerge into a darkened subterranean bar lit by fairy lights in peace. No live bands, no crowds of drunks at the bar, just some light jazz enveloping the bar in a serene mood with the occasional merry chinking of glasses as the bartenders served and mixed drinks. Amethyst and Garnet had tried taking a disgruntled Pearl to clubs before, but the bone rattling bass, shitty top 20 pop tunes, and the raunchiness of everyone grinding up on one another made Pearl so uncomfortable and claustrophobic that she couldn't breathe. Her ears were ringing, she couldn't hear herself speak let alone even think straight. And that's when she stumbled upon this quaint little hidden gem and made it her safe haven after leaving her roommates behind.   
Pearl pulled up a barstool and took a seat gingerly. It had been a good second since she had gone out. She was nervous, goosebumps popped up all over her thin pale arms. Maybe she should have asked her friend Steven to go with her. He always had an optimistic carefree personality that never failed to keep her at ease. 

She pulled out her phone and opened up her Instagram, unsure of what to do. She realized she had multiple notifications which was unheard of for her because she never hashtagged her photos. It was some thick girl with her short yellow hair in a very bull dyke hair do named Topaz. Pearl never knew how these people found her, but it seemed that she had liked quite a few of Pearls photos, and hmm, left a comment on one? Instantly triggered, Pearl read, "You two r such a cute couple! Goals AF!" Pearl's heart seemed to drop and skip a beat at the same time. The photo was from a year ago of her and her girlfriend; sorry! Correction, EX-girlfriend. The term had always seemed so foreign to her before last month. She stared into the starry eyes of her ex lover desperately, as if doing so would endow her with reciprocated feelings again. 

In the photo, the two of them were at the zoo, Rose's large right arm protruding out holding the camera while her left arm was wrapped snuggly around Pearl's small shoulders, a dust of a blush on Pearl's face, her eyes crinkled with a wide warm grin. Rose's wild unruly pink curls took up most of the photo, you could just barely see the lion behind the glass enclosure, its mouth wide open in what was unmistakably a yawn, not a roar. Rose's favorite animal had always been lions. It was one of her favorite dates they had had in their 7 years together as lovers. Pearl's heart ached with melancholy. She was so dumb, this was supposed to be a chill night with only welcoming thoughts of the future, not overwhelming nostalgia and bittersweet memories of the past. 7 years though...you'd think that would be a sign of commitment without saying the vows. But Pearl was always hopelessly devoted and Rose was always free spirited and did her own thing, regardless of Pearl's feelings. 

Time for a shot! the little voice in the back of her head told her somewhat aggressively. She ordered a shot of tequila from the bartender with a side of salt and lime. She downed it with no hesitation, just a grimace at the end but satisfied with the burn. She needed to get drunk before she became an emotional wreck. She wasn't going to blow money on shots just to have a shitty time. She went back on her Instagram profile and couldn't resist the urge to scroll down though. There she found a treasure trove of memories she wasn't sure she'd rather remember or forget at the moment. A photo of Lapis' yaht party with Pearl holding Rose from behind, faceful of luscious curls, Rose's arms outstretched in the perfect Titanic moment at the railing of the yaht. Another of Pearl and Rose having a picnic next to Pearl's favorite cherry blossom tree, Pearl lazily holding up the camera and catching the moment from Rose's lap. Then another from a much younger and awkward but dapperly dressed Pearl. Hair a much brighter shade of pink in a shoulder length a-line Bob and donning a striking tuxedo for senior prom. Pearl had had a crush on Rose for as long as she could remember and had been flabbergasted when she had finally broken free from the friend zone after Rose asked her out to prom. She had half the mind to think that Rose just asked her out because one of her boy toys couldn't make it, but there she was, arm in arm with her childhood crush, white ball gown swaying with their movements as they danced their first awkward dance. With their attire and the setting, it was almost as if they were having their first dance as newly Weds. As Pearl engulfed herself in that bittersweet memory, tears welled up in her cerulean eyes. Overtaken with unwanted emotions, Pearl cried silently, the smooth jazz only a whisper in the background. Why Rose? Why have you foresaken me? Why couldn't I make you happy? Why can't I move on? These thoughts overflowed her mind, making her feel more and more lost by the second. 

"Is that your ex or something?" 

The sudden intrusion from a foreign voice behind her, gruff but still pleasantly feminine, startled Pearl. She nearly slipped off her barstool, but large sturdy hands on her shoulders kept her in place. She whipped her head around, cheeks stained with tear streaks and eyes wide, taking in the all too overwhelming yet all too familiar build of the woman who caught her off guard. 

Her eyes were a luminous amber brown staring down at her and her lips were plump and full. And wow...she was tall, Pearl was an average height, long and lanky at 5'6, but damn this woman was definitely towering over 6'0 and she was HUGE. She honestly hadn't known any other woman with her stature other than Rose. But this woman's bulk was purely muscle, unlike Rose's fluffiness and love handles. Her Ash blonde hair was thick and looked restained in the massive pony tail she wore it in. Her skin was a lovely toasted beige with the exceptions of some stripes of discoloration across her face, both biceps, and left hand; the ivory of those stripes contrasting nicely with her tanned skin. Pearl's eyes landed on her ample bosom. She was elegant in a form fitting v-neck black dress that showcased every curve of her well sculpted body. Pearl blushed, sniffed loudly, and looked down at her lap, embarrassed and ashamed for staring too long. The similarities between this handsome woman and Rose were uncanny. 

"How did you know...? Pearl asked in a small quivering voice. 

The fierce woman rolled her eyes and scoffed, "Well I mean, why else would a cute girl be all teary eyed staring at their Instagram memories in a bar of all places. It's the perfect place to be depressed at, am I right?" 

Pearl shook her head vigorously, face turning redder with the added compliment. "It wasn't supposed to be like this though...I came here to relax and forget about the past, not to be uptight and sensitive like always..." Pearl said weakly, holding herself around the waist. 

"Well it seems like what you need is a good vent sesh. Hold up, let me clock in and then I'm all ears. Names Jasper by the way." 

"P-Pearl..." She muttered, "you work here? I've never seen you bartending here before." 

"You a regular here or something? But yeah, I just started! Tonight's my first night to be honest. I'm sure they started me on the slowest day since I'm new." She grinned wide as she returned from walking around the counter and was now facing Pearl instead. "Sorry for giving you a fright by the way, I know I'm a lot to take in." She tossed her head proudly and smirked down at Pearl, not abashed at all. 

"Oh believe me, I'm not intimidated by women triple my size in the slightest," Pearl said sourly, neglecting her phone and propping herself up on her elbow, fist resting under her chin. 

"Speaking of which...," Jasper's eyes flashed and she snagged up the smaller womans phone with her greedy paws, leaving a spluttering Pearl. 

"H-hey! Don't look at those!" She groaned as Jasper just leaned against the counter scrolling with her much too large thumb. Who did this woman think she was just interrupting Pearl's lament and being too bold for her own good? 

"Oh fuck! You two were at Lapis' party? I low key thought you looked familiar!" Jasper exclaimed. 

"Whaaa!? You were there? I don't recall seeing you that night at all," Pearl thought hard. 

"Well maybe that's because you had goo goo eyes for your girlfriend that whole night," Jasper scoffed. "But yeah, I'm Lapis' ex. She broke up with me that night after the party ended." 

"Shut up!" Pearl gasped. "YOU were dating Lapis?" 

"Yeah, it was short lived but it fucked me up for a good second. No one I date ever wants to stay anyways. She's dating Peridot now, I don't know whether you know her or not." 

"Wait, she's that girl with the blonde hair and glasses right? Arrogant egotistical little brat? She comes over to hang out with my roommate Amethyst sometimes." Pearl remembered they'd always be binge watching some stupid show or talking loudly of conspiracy theories when Pearl piped up for them to keep it down and would only receive condenscending remarks from her in return. She suddenly felt bad for Jasper though. Regardless of how brash and headstrong she came off as, she could tell she was also good natured and sympathetic in her own way. She didn't know all that much about Lapis to be honest and only got invited to that party through Steven. Rose was the one that had been adamant on going. She wanted to press on further about what had happened between them before Jasper cut her off. 

Jasper chuckled, "Yeah that's her alright. But enough about me. What happened between you and Rose?" 

Pearl sighed. Was she really going to put her whole pathetically tragic love story on display for Jasper? A bartender she had literally just met? The thought of getting these things off her chest though was tempting. Pearl was never one that disclosed information about her love life to anyone really. She always held secrets and details that weighed heavy on her heart and ate her up inside. She couldn't just pass up an opportunity so openly available to pour her heart out to this more than willing to listen and attractive woman. 

"Well, I mean...she was my first love. I've known her since we were kids. Her floral essence, pink locks, always courageous, brilliant, and beautiful. Nothing changed except for the fact that I was never enough to fulfill her needs. She was always so curious and adventurous, entranced by everything and loved by all. I was pale in comparison, a mess without her guidance. A directionless, pathetic, clinging thing. She grew out of me while I grew more attached. It took  𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 for us to finally get together. She had had so many boyfriend's in the past. I was surprised when she asked me out for senior prom. Going from her side kick to her lover was so overwhelming. I-I...can I have a shot please?" Pearl hesitated on asking, but with these emotions spilling from her whole heatedly, she really needed a pick me up. 

Jasper blinked. "Uh, yeah. What's your poison?" It was if she had forgotten she was at work or had a job to do at all. 

"A tequila shot please," it was Pearl's time to smirk. "Sorry I'm actually making you do your job." 

"Ugh, listening to distressed heartbroken girls is hard enough," Jasper whined exasperatedly after she had recovered from Pearl's sudden request. "Didn't take you as a tequila kinda girl to be honest. I expected you to ask for some girly drink like a sex on the beach." 

Pearl wrinkled her nose and frowned. "Definitely not. I prefer shots because they get the job done quick and mixed drinks just fill up my bladder and I hate having to continuously get up to urinate. I also just like the burn of having something straight up. Makes me feel like I'm alive." 

"Wow, that was a pretty emo thing to say," Jasper chortled. 

"Pearl sighed but smiled coyly. "You're awfully rude for a bartender, first night on the job." 

"Would I still be rude if I said all your drinks are on the house tonight?" Jasper asked smugly. 

Pearl frowned, furrowed her brows, and began fussing with her purse, extracting her wallet. "N-no! I can pay! Please, it's your first night on the job and I really don't want you getting in trouble over some free drinks." She extended her arm, debit card in hand to Jasper defiantly. Jasper simply put the palm of her right hand over Pearl's hand with the debit card and pushed it down gently onto the table, shaking her head. 

"Nah, card declined. I'll put it on my tab then since you care so much though," she grinned down at a flustered Pearl, eyes twinkling and poured some tequila into a fairly large shot glass and set it down next to Pearl's hand with a slice of lime and salt. 

"I-wow...well thank you Jasper," she brought the shot glass up to her thin lips with shaky hands and downed it like a champ. Jasper's eyes watched her mouth intently as Pearl sucked the lime dry with closed eyes. Jasper averted her eyes once Pearl had finished, face feeling rather warm and coughed awkwardly. 

"So, uh...you can continue your story...if you'd like I mean." 

Pearl wiped her lower lip and chin with a napkin, a dribble of lime juice trailing down. She felt a lot calmer and relaxed after that second shot, cheeks hot knowing it would ease out everything she wanted to say whilst still keeping her composure. 

"Hmm, where was I? Ah, well while we were together, Rose made me feel like I was everything. It felt too good to even be true and I severely lacked confidence. I needed constant validation from her that she loved and cherished me as much as I loved and cherished her. My insecurities could have been mistakened for a lack of trust by her though. If only I could have been stronger back then and less overbearing and possessive with every person who crossed her path and took interest in her. I....I was foolish for thinking something so great could last forever just because of our long history together. I constantly reminded everyone that they'd never have what we had, regardless of how petty it sounded." 

Pearl clutched the underside of the stool she was seated upon with a firm grip from both hands, looking down until she snapped her head back up and looked Jasper right in the eyes, her own full of desperation and vulnerability.  
"Jasper...I-gosh, I've never been on my own like this before. I've forgotten what it feels like to be this small, defeated, and useless as I am now. I know...everything should grow...everything should change...but it's not natural for me! Everything I ever did, I did it for her...now she's gone, but I'm still here." Her eyes were straining to hold back tears, but she was adamant and blinked them away. 

Jasper looked down and stared fixedly into her eyes for a long second before responding. "First off, you're none of those things you said. Ok, I lied, you are pretty small." Pearl glared up at her, eyes glossy from blinking back tears.  
"Fuck, haha sorry. But for real though, you seem like such a sweet girl. You deserve better Pearl. You bent over backwards for this chick and then she does you dirty like that!? You're loyal, trusting, and devoted but I also think you let Rose define who you are. Remember, you're your own person and don't ever hesitate to think about yourself for once. Your history can't consume you. At the end of the day, all you've got is yourself right? You've got to keep going until you find or get what you want out of life. Maybe...as messed up as this sounds...this was Rose's fucked up way of setting you free." 

The words stung, they burned, they were blunt and to the point. Pearl knew she needed to hear this, but it still didn't help the fact that it hurt so much hearing them. Pearl's tears flowed freely now, for the second time that night. So much for keeping her composure right? 

Jasper leaned in against the counter of the bar, breasts smooshed against it, some unruly beige blonde hair that had come undone from the ponytail framing her face in an alluring fashion and amber eyes boring into the coral haired girls soul.  
"Sometimes you've got to fall apart to understand what it means to be whole." She said with a keen sense of sincerity in her attractive gravely voice. She daringly brushed her thick thumb against Pearl's cheek, catching a single trickling tear. 

Pearl's face reddened at the close proximity between the two and the jolting digit against her cheek. Pearl screwed up her face thinking hard about what Jasper had just said. She had never been much of a leader figure, preferring to follow and obey, the happiness and well being of the one she adored being of the utmost gratification. Living on her own terms was something completely new. Some would call it liberating, but for her it was foreign. Subjugating herself willingly for someone else's sake, validating her whole existence and sacrificing her life's fulfillment for someone other than herself had always been her purpose. She thought hard, trying to accept her hearts deepest desires, her minds unwavering thoughts, her own intuitions. Once again, the broad woman intercepted her thoughts with a look of pure clarity. 

"Don't live your life like loves on ration Pearl. You have so much to offer ok? Loosen up and stop being such a prude."  
Jasper was right of course, no matter how crude she made it sound. It was just so difficult coming to terms with her faults and insecurities and not trying to rationalize them for once. She was obsessed with what Rose and her once shared, as if they had once been a fusion of two beings and Pearl had just lost her other half. She knew it wasn't healthy, she knew she couldn't wallow in self pity any longer. 

"I understand Jasper, I-I just...it hurts knowing how quickly she moved on. It really made me go from feeling as if I was something to nothing. Maybe, just maybe if I had ever loved myself just a fraction of how much I loved her, she'd still be by my side." 

Jasper almost growled, she looked taken aback. "She's already moved on!? Fuck, who has she downgraded to?" 

Pearl begrudgingly turned back to her phone, searching up her exes username with shaky fingers, but fueled a bit by Jasper's diss. She quickly found a recent photo of from just a few days ago of Rose and Greg at the beach. She furrowed her brows and frowned, turning her phone back to Jasper silently. Jasper snarled, immediately baring her unnaturally sharp teeth.

"Tch, you see Pearl!? She's already moved on! She's not even worth your time or thoughts, considering she is one." She chuckled at her own raunchy joke and shook her head, ponytail swishing like a horses tail. Pearl smiled weakly, knowing Jasper's insult was meant to build her up instead of breaking her down. 

"You certainly have a way with words," Pearl remarked sarcastically. "You're not wrong though. I really should try loving myself first before getting into a relationship, instead of being dependent on someone else to suppress my self loathing." Pearl pleaded that to herself, a prudent approach to the future. 

"Let's toast to that!" Jasper grinned. She began mixing a wide variety of clear liquids. Pearl watched half heatedly, unsure about the concoction Jasper was whipping up for her. "If you reject this drink i'm having one of the bouncers kick you out for being 𝙩𝙤𝙤 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙙." Jasper sniggered. 

Pearl grinned back at Jasper. "You look like you should be the bouncer to be honest!" 

Jasper guffawed at that, "haha, that's what I applied for but a bartender quit last minute and they offered me the position!" She wholeheartedly finished mixing the concoction she made and slid it over to Pearl, the drink looking of an ominous clear liquid. 

"This drink looks deceiving...," Pearl remarked, hand resting under her chin. 

"Trust me! It's delicious and dainty, just like you," Jasper winked sultrily. 

Pearl rolled her eyes at the cheesiness but flushed all the same. She delicately took the glass in her hand and took a little sip to test the waters. The initial taste shocked Pearl. She took another sip, unintentionally gulping it down. It tasted of roses. Gin, roses, a hint of lavender, and lemonade. It was smooth, it didn't burn in the slightest, the alcohol content was hardly detected. It was the perfect relationship between flavors and Pearl loved it. 

"Your mind shouldn't hold a corrupted view of roses. This drink is a staple here, and yeah...I thought for a second that it would have been of bad tastes to make it for you, but you should be drinking to enjoy it instead of using it as a cheap tactic to wash away your pain. Also be weary because it really packs a punch when it sneaks up on ya." Jasper looked at Pearl out of the corner of her eye as Pearl took inconspicuous sips from her glass until it was nearly a quarter full. 

Pearl carelessly obliged however, downing the remainder of the drink in an effortless swig. She was now a flushing mess however, cheeks hot and thoughts all fuzzy around the edges. Pearl looked up at Jasper with hazy eyes. "Thank you Jasper, that was excellent." She tried sounding prim and proper but it really just came out sloppy and simpering. 

Jasper looked down, eyes wide, she had been tending to a customer and Pearl was confused as to how she never realized it wasn't just the two of them alone at the bar anymore. She was kind of put off by it. Jasper's handiwork faltered and she ended up spilling the shot she was pouring into a mixing cup at the intrusion of Pearl's soft intoxicated voice. 

"Fuck!" She muttered gruffly, wiping it down and trying again, shaking the cocktail shaker a little more aggressively than needed in a flustered manner. She pushed the drink towards the man, who looked an awful lot like the mayor...

"Of course babe, I hope it's all I've said that's gotcha smiling and not just the alcohol," she grinned apprehensively, one hand scratching the back of her head. 

"I guess I'll find out when I'm sober, but I feel fine now," Pearl giggled into her hand. 

"I am a gem of many talents. Spilling drinks and cheering up distressed damsels." Jasper's grin widened and she placed her hands on her broad hips sassily. 

"Damsel in distress no more!" Pearl squawked, fist hitting the table with a bang and causing Mayor Dewey to gasp with a start and choke on his drink. 

"Heyyy! Watch what you're doing there!" He garbled. "Some of us are trying to drown ourselves in self pity over our political losses over here!" He looked Pearl up and down and sighed. "But you're hot so I'll let it slide." 

In a blink of an eye, the mayor was grabbed roughly by the collar of his shirt by a very infuriated Jasper. 

"Leave her fucking alone and get out this instant. She doesn't want your unwelcomed advances." She stared him dead in the eye as he cowered pathetically. 

"You can't just kick the major out like that," Pearl stuttered anxiously, eyes darting sideways to the mayor as he dashed out the door in a drunk frenzy. 

Jasper shrugged. "Eh, he's gone right? You're not in a right state to be dealing with perverts like that," she huffed angrily. 

"It's ok Jasper, I can handle myself," Pearl smiled warmly. "But I will have to tell your manager that you're scaring potential customers away. It's not a very good business practice," Pearl said cheekily. 

"You nark," Jasper scoffed, playfully shaking her mane. 

"Oh you know I'm joking," Pearl ballsily reached out her hand and brushed Jasper's cheek softly with long slender fingers, making Jasper's lovely beige face turn a ravishing burnt orange. 

"Ugh, you're something else, you know that?" Jasper said exasperatedly, placing her own much larger hand over Pearl's. 

Pearl and Jasper conversed from there on until 2AM when Jasper started closing up shop. She walked a tipsy talkative Pearl home afterwards, not without slipping the pretty pale girl her number of course though.


End file.
